I am stealing this post, too.

1) My uncle once: wished he was born so that I would have a story to tell.
2) Never in my life: will I dance in front of Mattina again.
3) When I was five: the neighbor girl stuck her hands in my pants and squeezed my butt.
4)High school was: the shittiest time of my life!
5) Fire is: useful for covering up your tracks.
6) I once saw: public sex, actually it was many times, but the bald boy on the sink was the hottest.
7) There’s this woman I know who: can piss me off like only one other person in the world can.
8) Once, at a bar: I left someone else’s penis prints on the glass front of the juke box.
9) By noon I’m usually: hating my job.
10) Last night: I confirmed plans for some future tramping.
11) If I only had: a time machine, a rubber sheet, and a nude body builder.
12) Next time I go to church: I'm gonna fall out and put on a show.
13) The best thing about my last relationship was: I plead the fifth
14) What worries me most: finances.
15) When I turn my head left: my neck cracks.
16) When I turn my head right: it creaks.
17) You know I’m lying when: I say “of course I did that.”
18) What I miss most about the eighties: no responsibilities.
19) If I were a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be: dead.
20) By this time next year: I'll be working at another and having sex every day.
21) I have a hard time understanding: idiots.
22) You know I like you if: I lick you.
23) If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: Allah.
24) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: Want to be like me.
25) Take my advice, never: tell all the truths.
26) My ideal breakfast is: served by a naked pretty whore.
27) If you visit my hometown, I suggest you go to: the Roseto Club on a Saturday with me.
28) Why doesn’t everyone: realize that I am always right.
29) If you spend the night at my house: you’re gonna put out!!
30) I’d stop my wedding: for a quickie with The Rock.
31) The world could do without: late fees.
32) My favorite blonde is: really a brunette.
33) If I do anything well, it’s: bitch and complain and whine and worry.
34) And by the way: can’t we all just get along.
35) The last time I was drunk, I: touched a man on his naughty bits while his boyfriend was trying to pick someone else up.

D's Silver Spring

Mr. Kass,
Friday was incredibly hard for me. You’ll be happy to know that the jury found your killer guilty on all six counts. I had some doubts that it would happen, but God was with us on this one. I know that the guy will get his due when he receives his ultimate judgement……but it helps to know that he will spend the next 50 some years in jail……that he will remember everyday what he did!!

In taking you away he also took away our innocence. He took away Trenton’s daddy….he took away someone’s lover….and he took away my friend. I miss your dumb ass and I miss all the times we shared. I miss all our nights out partying and all the times we just sat and talked about how we really needed a couple good whores to "get on" with……not too mention the times we talked about our true loves.

Speaking for those of us that you leave behind, I can say that you made all the difference in our lives. Not to wax poetic and probably plagoristic………but, while your star may have only shined for a short while…..you have lit up our lives forever.
I love you,
Michael

Another one down

I wrote about meeting a school teacher..........that didn't really pan out. We met Saturday night. He left me a message Sunday, I called back Monday left a message and never heard from him again. Que sera........sera.......speaking of spanish..........We had a little get together for the fourth, by "we" I mean me and the 4 room-mates.

Mattina had a couple people there who brought friends with them. One such friend was a latino fella whom I will only refer to as Paco. Now when Paco walked in I thought "what a nice looking boy"........till he opened his mouth and his purse fell out. For you straight people, that means he was pretty cute till he spoke and his complete queenishness became apparant.

He was only slightly less flamboyant than Paul Lynde. Now, normally I don't really cotton to queens........but after tallking to him in spanish for a couple hours......he really struck my fancy........the beers and rum had nothing to do with that..........not to mention the near six months of celibacy!! No, he really seemed like a cool guy.

The party was over.....Mattina went to the fireworks with his new flavor of the week and I was left alone with Paco. There may have been some kissing.......maybe even a little touching.......but I completely deny the accusations that there was any of man's favorite thing going on........if Doug tells you he walked in on something DON'T BELEIVE THAT LOAD OF SHITE!!!!!!!

Any-hoo, some late night guests showed up and interrupted anything that may or may have not been happening. Long story short (too late) my friend Lisa and he cousin came by and I had to let them in. We all talked for a bit and Paco comes out with "I like his money." He was apparantly referring to me....................1st let me say that the focker is wrong!!!!! My house might be nice when it's cleaned up and sparkling, but that certainly does not mean that I have $$$$$$$. 2nd, how is he gonna say that sh!t in front of me?!?!?!?!

Needless to say, any attraction that I may have held for him was instantly gone. Oh well, phuckem!!!!! Another speedbump in the road of life.