Ring, ring...........

You know how it is when you get one of those calls. You answer the phone with "hello" and the response you get from the other end is "B!tch I need you now!!" Five minutes later you're in the car and on your way. Your girl's man just done her wrong. It doesn't matter what the fight was. It doesn't matter what happend. You job is simply to jump on your turbo broom, get your @ss there quickly and start talking sh!t about that no good mu-fukka!!!!!!!

You start off with "I ain't nevva liked his @ss anyway." Followed by some insults about his physical appearance like "no good crossed eyed, hunch backed eight finger havin' can't accessorize punk @ss hoe!!!" Then you go into how you're gonna get your crew together and shove his car into Lake Erie with him in the trunk!!!! Of course you can't forget to sprinkle in plenty of lies about him.............like "Gurrrllll, I seen him at Buehler's wearing your good dress (you know the one with the big shoulder pads and the taffetta trim) and he stopped down the condiment aisle for a free sample of a new gin flavored mustard......then whoopsie-daisie next thing I saw was he dribbled mustard all down the front.......and rather than dab it with some club soda he smeared it in with a paper towel!!!!!" Gurrllll, I'da given him a beat down right then and there, but you seem so in love that I figured I'd just keep this one little secret.

By this time an hour and a half has passed, you have completely run his name into the ground, and called out curses on him like IRS audits and a case or two of crabs.......now you can sit and listen because your girl has finally stopped crying and is able to talk about what happened. You let her tell you the story, tell her it's not all that bad, and that she just needs to sit down with her man and have a good old fashioned heart to heart.

Later on that night when you haven't heard from her, you know that it's a good sign. It means that they realized how much they need each other, that they worked out some of the problems, and have gone off to bed feeling relieved and very much in love. Your job done, you say a prayer for them, and head off to bed knowing that you will hear the good news in the morning.