R.A.H.W.L.............Cookie
Ok...........so I have been wanting to write about this for a long time.......
This may offend a couple people..........but phukkit!!! !!!
I am a 36 y/o krakka. My last relationship (of significance) was with a black man. That relationship earned me some new nicknames..........the two most common were nigger lover and cave bitch....... The trashy white people called me the former and the trashy black folks used the latter.
To all of you I say fukk-off!!!!! I have never been caught up with skin color. My single mother dated white, black, and arabic men. She taught me that it is what is under the skin that matters.
Part of my childhood was being raised in primarily black neighborhoods in the 70's. Believe me a white boy in an all black neighborhood in the 70's wasn't the most popular kid. But I am grateful for it and I am grateful for the racial incident that could have cost both mother's life and mine.
It was a completely terror filled moment in my mother's life......a moment that she would flash back to years later in situations of being the only caucasian in a crowd......she would look down on herself for feeling insecure in all black settings.........she would tell me how she felt like a traitor..........these were our people......but in large crowds she felt scared.
My mother told me this.............she admitted this to make me better than that.......every parent hopes and prays that their child will achieve more and go further than they ever did.........well mama you succeeded.
I wish you were here so that I could tell you how much that last nigga hurt me........how cluless that last krakka was..........and how I would never trade either of those experiences for anything. Regardless of what the nay-sayers might tell you...........he loved me and she loved me..............and I am a better person because of it...........
The future? I don't know what it holds..........but rest assured that I will stomp on racial ignorance whenever it shows itself to me.......whether coming from a friend's inappropriate joke or a stranger's phukked up comment. I give you my word. I will live up to your expectations.............I will be someone that you admire......
You are the foundation of who I am....you are my bedrock.....................
posted by Saint Honey Ha the Minister of Urban Culture at 8:22 PM
3 Comments:
You know Honey, I gotta tell you,we are a lot alike in many ways. Your mother taught you a lot and was the foundation upon which you built your life. She taught you to love all people regardless of their race.
My mother was also the foundation upon which I built my life but she didn't teach me that type of love of people. Some people might go as far as to say she taught me to be very untrusting of white people. But what she did teach me is how to love the people who you call friend. She taught me to love family.
Now let's look at the men that both of these women raised. Both are good men. Strong men. Men that will do anything for those they care about. Since my mother taught me to love my friends and yours taught you to love people of any race, I guess these women both did a fine job because we can be friends in a world that used to tell us "no way."
Dude I love you even though you are a pain in my ass sometimes. I know I'm a pain in yours as well. This past week I deliberately set out to be a pain in your ass because I am a asshole. I'm so glad you worry about me because that shows me you care but let's get on the same page about a couple of things. First, there are some things in my life that you don't know about. Either because I'm not proud of them or because I felt it unnecessary to tell you about them. I am not an angel and if you think I am...please stop because I am not. I like to portray myself that way but trust me I'm not. However, there is a certain amount of innocence that goes along with being me. I've been very sheltered despite trying to act worldly. You've probably done and seen things that I can't even imagine...yet!
The things that I have in my life are very important and I won't do much to jepordize them including going on a self discovery mission. I planted some seeds in my last entry that were intended to screw with you. Again I'm not an angel but I did nothing that I would be ashamed to tell you about. You just gotta ask and be cool about it. I know what I'm dealing with and most of the time my answer is to stay at home. Can't get in trouble at home. 9 times out of 10 that's why I don't go out. This is my way of confronting my demons.
My desire to explore is getting weaker not stronger and I promise you as my friend, I WILL NOT GO TOO FAR. I know me and if I do, I won't come back and I have 5 good reasons to stay close to home.
Again, I Love You and I'm so glad that you care about me. Now when the time comes for me to worry about you..you better fucking listen.
How to follow up a comment like that...WOW!!
It's true, parents influence their kids in a lot of ways. If a parent teaches ignorance and hate, well the child will be more inclined to that, but in the end, it's the child's choice whether to take that way of being brought up and embrace it for themselves, or realize it for the small mindedness that it is and discard it.
My parents were an odd couple to say the least. My mother grew up on a cotton farm in Alabama, so she was exposed to other cultures and peoples from an early age. My father grew up in a monoracial neighborhood. (Is monoracial even a word?)
So they looked at people from very different perspectives.
I preferred to follow my mothers perspective, people are people. Judge them by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin. Evil comes in all shapes, sizes and colors.
I myself grew up in a monoracial setting. Consequently as an adult I've sought to enlarge my circle of understanding. Go places and do things that would have made my father blush.
Poor dear old dad, if only he'd known whatever hatred he was spewing he was actually spewing at someone who IS a minority. The irony, the irony!
i'm so confuzzed....i don't know who is who or what color they are. am i candi or cyndi?
st. honey, if i may....we all bleed red (well, pink in my case, but you know how much i love pink)and you know, blood is thicker than water, so if we all bleed red, what diff does everything else make? you have some truly wonderful people in your life, black ones, white ones, pink ones, and i feel really lucky that not only do you include me in your circle of life, but that i have gotten to know some of the others in your life, people i may not have known but for you, and i feel enriched by knowing them.
god's most beautiful expression to all of us is the rainbow....
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