A word of caution to Elvira.
Screw Shawn!!!!!!!! Let me tell you about that devil!!!
It was a cold weekend in February and we decided to take one of those Fun Jet Vacations. Shawn had never been on a plane before and he was plenty nervous as only a drama queen can be. The plane ride there was smooth sailing. When we got to the hotel they had given our 2-bed standard room to someone else…….so they upgraded us to a suite with a king sized bed and a jacquozi. They sent up a roll away bed too. I was all set to sleep on the roll away that night and switch off with him the next night. Shawn suggested that since the bed was sooooo big, why didn’t we just share it. Cool with me.
We went to dinner, gambled a little, came back to the room and each took a bath. Shawn overdosed on the bubble bath and screamed for me to get a camera to take a picture of him luxuriating in the bath like the Queen of Sheba. Sometime later we hit the sack for some much needed rest after our long day.
I fell asleep pretty quick. It was a nice deep sleep. Very restful. I was dead to the world…………….that is until I woke to a punch in the face!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I jerked awake throwing my arms in front of my face Shawn was screaming that I was snoring too loud. He looked crazy in the eyes and was frothing at the mouth. The next thing I knew he had picked up the phone receiver and slammed me across the face with it. As I tried to scramble off the bed clutching my broken nose he jumped on my back and wrapping the phone cord around my throat he began choking me with it.
That’s all I remember before I blacked out. I awoke laying in a heap in the closet with a pair of dirty socks in my mouth and my hands bound with the phone cord. Shawn was puttering around the room….getting ready…..telling me it was time to go to breakfast.
God's punishment to Shawn came on the plane ride home to Akron.
posted by Saint Honey Ha the Minister of Urban Culture at 8:55 AM
6 Comments:
oh, where to begin? obviously not with the truth, since honey's fragile mental state has rendered her incapable of handling the truth, to the point that i keep hearing jack nicholson screaming over and over again in my head. she has one thing right, we did go to vegas. it was in march, it was a beautiful, warm sunny day when we left. we did get upgraded to a suite, and yes, i took a tiny little bubble bath to freshen up after our flight, which, as usual, i quite enjoyed.( many people joke that howard hughes was the last man who enjoyed flying as much as i do) honey, realizing that since we were only visiting and not moving in, was giddy at the thought of not having to register as a sex offender, and proceeded to take pictures of me in my bath, unbeknownst to me, the innocent victim. later, after emerging from my bath, i was drugged and forced to walk the strip with honey, as she trolled for chicken and ribs. by chicken i mean some fresh young meat, by ribs, i mean ribs, the girl can suck the meat off a bone like no heffa i ever did see.
well, after hours of this trolling, i escaped and went to my suite, ready to retire to my king size bed overlooking the statue of liberty outside my window. honey had already insisted that i take the bed because a roll-in was an upgrade from the truckbeds she usually slept in.
well, in the middle of a dream , one i have often, the one where i am in ethiopia doing charity work for the poor, i awoke to a sound that i knew could only be one thing..new york new york, which was right next door, was being attacked by terrorists, and from the sounds, the terrifying sounds i will never be able to forget, i assumed that someone had flown a plane into one of the buildings, i heard horrible, building-quaking explosions and people screaming in terror.
i crept out of my bed gingerly, and not wanting honey to wake in terror like i just had, i slowly moved to other side of the room where she had tricked a bell-hop and then passed out on the sofa,and carefully shook her arm as gently as i could, telling her that i thought we were under attack.
i explained that something awful was happening and begged her to please peek out the window and tell me if we had time to run for our lives. well, i'm still scarred by the look on her face when she turned around and bellowed at me that nothing was happening outside and that i had just woken her from a dream, one she has often,( the one where she is a bear in the woods, wearing a blue jessica mclintock dress with a suspicious stain on it, tied to a tree , caught in the middle of a spirited game of dodgeball being played by eddie murphy and emanuel lewis, and he kept getting hit in the face with balls )but i digress. so honey roared at me that i would pay for disturbing her sleep, and she went on to drug me again, dressed me up in leather jeans and a cute little black tee and paraded me down the strip, using me and my high tight ass as bait to lure another victim to our suite.
the next thing i remember is being slapped in the face by honey, telling me to wake up, that we had landed in cleveland and it was time for me to carry her luggage to the car.
lord how i've suffered at the hands of honey ha.
Hmmm? Which account to believe?
Apparently Jon Lovitz is reading my blog and responding under the pen name of "sid." The only thing missing were references to his membership in Pathological Liars Anonymous and his wife Morgan Fairchild.........Yeah.. that's the ticket! Yeah, you betcha!
I think this tells us who Elvira believes. Read the following e-mail exchange
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Reply From: Liam
To : Saint Honey Ha the Minister of Urban Culture
Gurl, you are preachin' to the choir!! :)
From: Saint Honey Ha the Minister of Urban Culture
To: Liam
Shawn is Satan incarnate!!!!
this must be the same choir that won't be performing at liam's funeral.
bitch write sumptin!
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